The grass is greener on this side

It has come for me to become one with nature. To live, breathe and eat off the land, perhaps learn to speak Na'vi and paint myself blue. I'll grow a USB-cable ponytail and tame horses and monitor lizards, asking them politely to do my bidding.

I'll invent my own computer, with leaves, tree bark and branches. I'll give myself 3 days to establish wi-fi. If I don't manage to do it by myself, I can always give tech-support a quick call. They'll heli-drop into my location within minutes.

Who am I kidding. Goodbye wife and TV!